None shall pass!



Of all foes, few are tougher than the Black Knight and the Vacuum Cleaner of Doom



For Lana, the dreaded moment had come. I had finally grown sick of sitting on a virtual cloud of dog hair.




The vacuum had been lurking in the corner of my apartment for days. I had asked my boyfriend if I could borrow it, but had been too lazy to use it. Until tonight.

I unraveled the snake-like cord, preparing to free the electric beast. As I plugged the dog-eating machine into the wall, the click of an electric shock could be heard above a distant muffled scream and far off sirens. I'm sure to her ears it was deafening. The machine lurched forward, tilted back, and with the push of a blood red button, began to suck with the unadulterated power of a black hole. This was it. Surely this time would be the time she could not escape sure death-by-vacuum. After seeing pounds of hair (which she assumed must have been former pets) previously thrown into the garbage, she knew she was next in line.

Eyes wide, she swiftly leapt backwards. Link was already hiding behind the coffee table - lucky bastard got a head start. The frightful roar of the vacuum drowned out Lana's desperate barks for help. She tried to bite the monster once or twice, but to no avail. It continued menacingly looming, casting her in its black shadow. All hope seemed lost. But for just a second, Lana forgot about her predicament. I could see the exact moment the thought entered her head. She glanced from the vacuum to a scrap of blue fabric, once part of a beloved toy, sitting helplessly in the path of destruction. Like a double-wide awaiting an F6 tornado. In a moment of unprecedented bravery, Lana sprinted directly into the path of the impending vacuum and pulled her toy to safety, risking life and limb. As she ran, tail between her legs, to the other side of the room, I saw her eyes shine with just a hint of pride. I knew if she died now, she'd die an honorable hound, I mean, hero.